adhd – The Happy Typist

Permanently Disabled–Temporarily

Posted on February 19, 2019March 5, 2019 by TheHappyTypist

I have wandered aimlessly through most of my life wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I’ve been asked “what is your damage?!” I’ve been called a flake. I’ve been told I’m too young for all these problems, too smart to be struggling, that I just needed to “get my shit together.” “I, or they, or so-and-so can do it and they have x,y,z in their lives, why can’t you?”

Look in the mirror today and tell yourself “I’m proud of you.” You should be.

For over 30 years now, this is how I’ve muddled along. Trying one thing after another. Having more dreams than my body can hold or that my mind could manage. Having a child young and the maturity to know I had no business raising her. Worrying my whole life since about disappointing her with my lack of success. Getting married. Having another child. Learning new terms related to atypical, special needs, autism spectrum disorder, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Dyslexia. Delays.

Realizing we’ve got this, looking at that little boy and going oh-my-goodness-I-can’t-get-enough-let’s-have-another! Getting pregnant again. Learning what it means to lose a child. Getting pregnant again. Living in gut wrenching, blood freezing fucking terror that she won’t make it for nine months. Giving birth and bringing her home, then not wanting to do anything but love on and hold forever the only girl, of three I have carried, that I get to keep.

Learning more words. Defiance. Opposition. DMDD. Executive functioning deficits. And then looking at them, and looking at the man I love and saying, hey, um, I recognize some things here. Seeking more diagnoses, now for him. And then for myself.

And then, through relentless pursuit after so many years, we now both know why we couldn’t get our shit together. (Did you know that many adults seek and receive an ADHD diagnosis after their children are diagnosed? There’s a pretty great read about it here: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/parents-realizing-they-have-adhd-once-kids-are-diagnosed#9.)

Knowing your limits winds up making life a little bit more limitless. Through that relentless pursuit we obtained answers. And just as there are IEP’s in grade school, there are accommodations in higher learning institutions that are meant to help us succeed. It can be immensely frustrating to learn of a high mental ability in conjunction with a list of disabilities. These accommodations only allow brilliant minds (that appear to be) in “broken” bodies, to shine.

Now, he’s in his second year of college. And, although my physical and mental limitations mean that I am technically permanently disabled, I am starting two businesses. Because this time, we have the world on our side, because knowledge really is power.

Uncategorized

Delightfully Different

Posted on February 17, 2019 by TheHappyTypist

My daughter was asked the other day what her favorite color was. Her response? “My favorite color is rainbow.” She said it just how anyone might say blue or purple or pink. Without a thought, without hesitation, and without any special inflection. It, of course, took the person asking quite by surprise. She, of course, took note and tried to correct herself. We made sure she knew she didn’t need correction. It is absolutely ok to be delightfully different, and your favorite color can certainly be rainbow!

My son will tell you about his raptor DNA while running about the apartment with arms drawn in towards his body, you know, like a raptor. He will fill you in on more details than you could imagine regarding sharks, Minecraft, and, well, raptors. And he will repeatedly exclaim “train” the entire time we see one passing by. We live in a city that would not exist were it not for the Pacific Railroad. It happens often. I soak in the moments of his pure excitement, I encourage him to love what he loves, and know that we love him because he is delightfully different!

My husband completely lacks a filter. He says outrageous things hoping to invoke a laugh. Many people don’t get it. I’m so lucky that I do. Filters aren’t really my thing, either. It takes a lot to be out in public and behave appropriately. It requires a lot of silence and missed opportunity in conversations, because I cannot speak as quickly as my mind comes up with things, it does not typically go well if I do. Unless, of course, I am in the company of others who are also delightfully different.

My online friend, who I have grown close to over the past year or so, became very upset when I told him that my children, my family, and I don’t fit into society’s “box.” I tried to explain to him, as I am trying to say here, that although that creates a challenge for us, it no longer upsets me. I don’t see this as a bad thing. We are beautifully unique, and the world in which we live simply needs to catch up.

Obey the laws and rules of society, keep your head held high and keep striving, but please never stop being delightfully different.

Mental Health

Curate Your Life

Posted on January 31, 2019January 30, 2019 by TheHappyTypist

Did you ever go into someone’s home and it was so clean, minimal and tidy that it felt like a museum? I have been in several. I have always thought that it just doesn’t even look lived in.

Lately, however, as I have been purging things from my home with extreme prejudice it came to me… I have never felt uneasy in a museum. In fact, I find them beautiful.

There is a quiet peace, and plenty of space to carefully curate what is beloved. There is room to walk all around it and enjoy the offerings on display. There are comfortable places to simply sit and observe.

And so it makes me think that my home being museum-like may not be so terrible after all. And why stop there?

As a Mom with ADHD to kids with ADHD and a spouse with ADHD I know we all tend to over schedule and over commit. In my house I am the absolute worst offender.

I want to curate my life, I want room for camping and coloring and reading. I want room for games with the kids and geeked out table top gaming with my husband and friends. I want room for naps and room for my businesses to grow. I want room to rest and room to work and room to play.

I want less so that I can have so much more. January is coming to an end, and resolution fever tends to end with it. This year, I vow to continue to remember that I am the curator of my own life. We all can be. What can you say no to, so that you can say yes to more of what you truly hope for?

Mental Health

Hot Mess Happiness

Posted on January 30, 2019 by TheHappyTypist

I often struggle with what to say, because there is always so much. So much on my mind, so much on my plate. So many struggles from so many different executive functioning deficits. Where to start, and how to plan, and scheduling difficulties, etc.

My closest friends and family work in much the same way. There are a few exceptions that really seem to have their poop in a group, with their clean houses and good memory of commitments. Even they forget a few things here and there. But they are also such an inspiration.

I have found January to be that long “Monday of the year” we keep seeing memes about. There are financial struggles that can dampen even the brightest of triumphs. There are days when it feels like even my therapist hates me. She doesn’t. (The fact that I can write those two sentences next to one another is evidence that she’s a good therapist.)

And so I find myself struggling with finances and scheduling, with health problems and a lackluster interest in things.

I take a deep breath and continue my mantra that I will not keep attracting these things with “could it be any worse,” “I needed more problems in my life,” etc. I will keep my eyes, heart, ears and soul open for joy and abundance.

I will relish in and cherish the friendships and family I have. I will be grateful for their forgiveness of my awful moods and continue to know I can do better, and will continue to do better. I will know that I and those around me deserve love, joy and stability and because we know it to be true we will find it.

I will relish in the knowledge that I am a part of my tribe. This tribe that knows what it’s like to be in the middle of some hot mess happiness.