There is so much to carry, and the world is so heavy. Not just for me, for everyone. In addition to the weight of worry about my children, my husband’s health, my own health, my family’s health and needs—immediate and extended, money, contracts that I haven’t met my obligations to, the actual WORLD is so heavy.
I read a meme recently that said, “Sometimes you can get so busy trying to be everyone else’s anchor that you don’t realize you actually drowning.”
I’m tired, weary and sleepy. It seems everywhere I look there is discontent, atrocity, a lack of loving empathy. It seems there is more to fight about and disagree and divide than I ever knew was possible.
And I want to fix it all. I want to do all the things for all the people and still do all the things for all of me, and maintain my positive energy and go and go and go. Never give up, never surrender.
And then, I am frozen. Frozen from fear, overwhelm, dread, sorrow, confusion. In a brain that tends toward all or nothing, it becomes so very hard to learn to be temperate. To allow for the heartaches and the happiness to fill the same space.
How do we stop setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm? Today, this is my honest struggle, and I have no answers. It becomes hard to think, when one is tired, weary, and sleepy.
Still. If I don’t make dinner, who will? Who will do the dishes? Who will fight for my neurodivergent children, spouse, self and community? Who will write? Who will create? Who will ultimately raise me up, and my family with me, if not me? If I don’t do it, who will? And I still send my love out to the world, as it seems to me to be a weary world that I see.
I took a survey/poll a while back and asked what you guys wanted to see on lifesfinewhine or if there were any specific blogging topics you guys wanted to see me write about and one of the suggestions I got was to write on how I maintain by blog while having a busy life.
I am a full time student at university at the moment and as a history major you can image how busy I can get sometimes with all the reading and writing that comes along with history. I also get super busy with blogging because over the last few years my blog has grown quite a bit and it takes a lot more time to respond to everyone and maintain my blog- not that I’m complaining because I truly do love blogging!
I absolutely love this. I actually had an excellent therapist give me the same advice about worrying and the worst thing that could happen. Self validation always feels harder, the advice to treat yourself as a friend—just wow. Thank you, I needed this today!
It’s so easy to forget you’re human. I need to revisit this topic for my own sanity.
If you’re anything like me — and God help you if you are, you’re fairly hard on yourself. You can spend a lot of money trying to figure out why you’re like this, or you can just accept it as fact.
Self-Evaluation
People who are hard on themselves usually spend a lot of time thinking about the way they did something or said something, presented themselves, worked on a project, planned a presentation; pretty much scrutinize every aspect of their lives. You go over it in your head a dozen times. This process, although it can keep you awake at night, is not necessarily a bad thing. It might be healthier to come up with an alternative that would be more productive the next time you do whatever it is that you’ve done.
How do we find our fire again, now that we are finally recovering from the world burning down? I feel like I’m walking out of my front door naked with nothing but an emergency blanket around me, wide eyed and disheveled. Trying to convince myself again that the future is bright, that it is ok to dream, that it’s ok to continue to try. Continue to explore and create and fail and laugh and succeed.
I wonder how the rest of the world is feeling right now? Do you feel like you’re emerging from a disheveled trauma, too? It’s hard, sometimes, to trust that things can be good. But then again, sometimes it’s good to know what we were missing, so we can appreciate it again. We make it to more appointments than we used to now. We talk to our friends and family more now. We make stronger efforts to see their beautiful faces, in person. Suddenly, even going to the store is about one thousand percent less awful. There is so much visible joy on people’s faces where I used to only see threats and scowls.
There seems to be a palpable excitement about being alive. A delicious appreciation for the simple things and freedoms once taken for granted. There’s courtesy in the stores, respectful distances, excuse me’s and smiles. I know, of course, that not everything is sunshine and it never will be. But the sunshine feels just a bit more like golden honey dripping down on my skin that it used to, and therein lies the gift of weathering a long storm.
Perhaps, this time, we will do better. Perhaps we won’t. Regardless, I’m rather grateful that we still have the opportunity to decide whether or not to try. And with that, I will embrace my fire for living and trying and loving and I hope you get to, too.
Are you in need of a business consultant or freelance writing services? The Happy Typist offers these services and more! Call today at 1-307-433-4668 for a free consultation.
This guest post was written by Amy Collett, Personal Branding Consultant at Bizwell.org. Thank you for your contribution! (If you have business advice you’d like to see on the Business Blog section of my blog, please contact me at hromero@thehappytypistco.com.)
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