Posted in Uncategorized

Where Is My Why

When you think about your day, do you think about what inspires you? No? Have you been inspired this past week, the past month, or the past year? Chances are you have, even if you think you haven’t. It’s just that inspiration isn’t usually a huge thing. It’s found in a piling of many small things.

I’ve been trying to rediscover my spark, my “mojo,” my inspiration for doing more than just letting life happen to me. I found it last year and it was the best thing ever. And then I lost it. And I couldn’t find it. And I couldn’t figure out how I found it in the first place. So I did the thing you do when you lose things. I retraced my steps.

In April of last year I became a “bag lady,” and joyfully started my own Thirty-One business. I sell the bags (and gifts because we are more thuan just a bag) because I love them, not the other way round. When I first began, my up-line talked with me for hours; on the phone, on messenger and in person. She is still there every single time I need her. She tells me she’s proud of me and we need to hear that so much, it always lifts my spirits.

But the most important thing she said to me was that my VIP group should be my ministry. Heather’s Dreams in a Bag should be a place where people come to because they want to hear from me. The bags don’t need selling, they’re amazing and are simply the background that allows me to connect to others.

I searched myself to find what unique thing could I give to others. What I found was my past, my pain, my prior knowledge and my triumphs. My journey to learn to love myself. That’s what I have to offer. Intentional positivity, self-love, and a driving desire for you to know that you deserve that too.

Here we are in January of the next year, where I found myself desperately trying to find again what inspired me before. I retraced my steps. I started again to meditate every day. I countered my paranoid thoughts borne of deep anxiety and past trauma with acknowledgment and discernment. I started again to listen to audio books about finding ways to make life better. I even repeated the ones I loved the most. Thank you, Rachel Hollis.

And then I looked for all of the little inspirations that I had throughout my day. A post that touched me and made me cry. Laughing at my daughters nonsense ADHD chatter and basking in the glow of my son’s constant and exuberant exclamations of love. Seriously, don’t ever believe the nonsense that children on the spectrum are emotionally numb. My children are emotionally stunning. They are the burning bright stars in my sky around which I orbit. I want them to love themselves too.

I’ve rediscovered my why. I am inspired by this life, this world, and all the beautiful messes within it. I want to share what I see through my lense with you. And I want you to feel inspired and loved and purposeful too.

Author:

I am a dreamer with her head in the clouds and one foot on the ground. Written word flows from me as a river does down a mountainside, and writing of any kind is something I do with great joy. I am an artist, an avid student of color theory and appreciator of DaVinci, Dali, and Dorothea Tanning. I am a student seeking to learn for the rest of her days. I am a wife who loves her husband for all he is, and a mother who loves her children for the same. I am me, and can only use words to describe what I do, not so much who I am.

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